Seriously. I don't even know where to begin. Nothing is safe. I can't leave my boys alone apparently. EVER. It is reasonable to expect that you could leave your children playing together in your house for say five minutes without major disaster. Right? Why don't my children follow reason?
They've been getting food (special snacks meant for picnics) out of the storage room. They flushed a juice can down the toilet.
They've been stripping the bed of blankets and sheets and then taking the mattress off the bed. At least this one is just messy not destructive. However, after several times of remaking the bed it is really exhausting.
They've been getting into my makeup and spreading it all over their faces, floor, and my bed. Plus, for a special bonus, they dumped foot powder all over the carpet.
But the culminating disaster came tonight. Check it out.
I've been painting our schoolroom. I had finished up for the night, put everything away, shut the paint can, etc. I went upstairs to change my clothes, go to the bathroom and put away some laundry but stupidly left the door to that room open. In the approximately fifteen minutes that I was gone, they opened the paint can with a screw driver, poured it into a paint tray, put a roller pad on the roller and started painting their room. Needless to say, there was paint all over the carpet, their clothes and dripping down the wall.
Okay. Deep breath. Help me! We do give consequences for this awful behavior but obviously whatever consequences we are giving are not working. What would you do? Is this normal behavior that I'm just going to have to deal with for the next decade or so? I'm exhausted and I don't know what to do. So please share your best advice. I seriously need it!
9 comments:
Wow- I would be more than furious! I can't speak on boys, but friends of mine with more than one tell me all sorts of stories like this, so maybe it is more on the normal side of things?
As far as consequences...we had to find what worked for Mya. Time out was a joke, doing extra chores was more of a struggle for us, early bedtime meant 5am wake-up calls. We ended up figuring out her "prized" items and would take them away. Right now, her biggest motivator is being able to chew gum. She gets a warning and if it doesn't stick, the pack of gum goes in the trash outside. She has lost her favorite blanket some nights, lost the privilege of helping to make cookies or what have you. She is doing much better, but still has her moments. Maybe it just takes finding whatever would be the biggest consequence for each child?
In any case, good luck!
Man, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I think it would make me crazy. It must mean you are a very patient mother. Maybe it's a GREAT thing you are getting another girl. I'm not so good at discipline, so I can't help you there. Hope the next few days are good ones.
OH man!!! That stinks, but I am right there with you with my Alissa. She does something every. single. day. to get into trouble and make messes and ruin things. I am at a loss of what to do either. She says she gets bored. I don't know...but I'm sick of ruined stuff! Good luck and if you find a good way...let ME know!
Wow. I would be so livid, it's probably good YOU are the mom in this situation. Wish I had an answer. We're just figuring out Max's situation. He jumps into things without thinking and then wonders why we're upset. He's full on ADHD, and now taking meds. Not that that is what this is, I just feel for you and hope you find something that helps.
All I can say is..... GAH! Boys will be boys-- and sometimes you want to lock them up in the cupboard, under the stairs...
My mom's best friend had four sons. They were just as lively, inventive and unerring in their mischief as yours. They are now an engineer, lawyers, an accountant. One day she got so mad she KICKED one of her boys right in the rump. What did he do? Laugh. They are TOO smart, TOO active. I would recommend being consistent with the rules, even if they do this kinda shiz, and know that these kind of boys usually end up taking over the world. In a good way. As for now...
Well, at least you always have entertaining blog material...
I agree with the first comment (Hannah) that said you should find what they value or what motivates them and use it as reward/punishment for good/bad behavior. And it might be different for each child involved. And I definitely agree with Camille about being consistent. My boys have to play seperately a lot (one in their room, one in the family room, then we switch every 15 minutes) because they start getting crazy and that's the only solution that seems to work around here. I have not had too many issues with destruction, but I try to be extra vigilant about hiding things, locking things up, gating things off, whatever it takes so they have no opportunities. I get made fun of a lot by people saying I'm not letting my "kids be kids"...but I'm trying to perserve my sanity and not kill them!
Recently I have also been using sticker charts that they can earn rewards (trinket stuff from the dollar store or a McDonald's ice cream or something else cheap) for good behavior and I can try to focus on the positive.
Good luck!
I'm remember back to the days when nothing was safe from Jeff. For example, one day while I was playing the piano and he was playing right there beside me (I thought), he went in the other room, brought back a bottle of bleach, unscrewed the lid somehow, and dumped it on the dark green carpet, bleaching a huge circle to white right there in the middle. And that was just one day. As I've watched that destructive boy grow up, he has always had that kind of energy, even now. Of course these days we are all glad that he is seemingly inexhaustible as he has many responsibilities.
Jeremy, on the other hand, was more cerebral, non destructive, quieter. Still is.
Of course you must teach, discipline, bribe, punish, hand out consequences, but the truth it that you'll probably just have to hang on and survive while they are experimenting with growing up. No doubt it will cost a lot in time and dollars, but raising a boy is worth it. Learn to expect daily disasters and when you survive them emotions and house semi intact, you'll feel empowered rather than victimized.
You might consider letting them paint their own room, even the carpet. Let them cut stuff up or stab scissors into stuff in their own room. Localize the consequences of their actions. Maybe they can understand that they needn't touch other folks' stuff if they have their own little world where exploring and experimenting is okay. Their room will look horrible for a few years but they'll probably love it.
When all else fails, pray. And I'm thinking that the sons of Mosiah probably had very messy rooms in those early years.
@mom - jeff was a disaster, jeremy was not. was i a happy medium? :D
I like the idea of leaving the paint on their walls and carpet, but maybe you should get to cut and slice their beds (or toys)(hehehehe) and such....a great stress reliever. Just a thought.
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